I’ve started expanding my story, “The Dog”.

Please comment and let me know what you think.  This is the beginning, so far.

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The Dog

Dark clouds hung low and the air smelled like rain. I let out a big sigh; it’s been too long between stops, I thought.  I stood at the gas pump, adding regular to the tank when I saw the dog.  She trotted around the back end of my truck, sat down on the other side of the hose and gave me the look.

She was young and clean. Delicate but not small; her appearance mesmerized me.  Her brown eyes appeared to sparkle from a spattering of light blue chips.  Her merle coloring with copper highlights on her face enhanced those eyes.   Her ears faced me; they stood up but were folded over halfway up. A ribbon of white fur ran from the patch on top of her head, between those eyes, to her full white muzzle.

The loud clank as the nozzle shut off jolted me from our connection; she didn’t appear to notice, she kept watching me.  I removed the nozzle and replaced it in the pump, screwed my gas cap back on and secured the little door.  She sat there and watched me the entire time.

“So, what cha doin’?” I asked her.

Her lips parted and she gave me a small smile; she started panting very slowly, her eyes locked on mine.  It wasn’t a challenge, but I knew her full attention was focused on me.

I smiled back at her and tried my best line, “Do you come here often?”

No answer, but she did cock her head sideways and stopped panting.

“Is that dog yours?” A greasy man had come out of the office, he looked annoyed.

“No,” I said, “she just came over to say hi.”

“It’s been hanging around since this morning.  It won’t let anyone get near and it hasn’t gone near anyone else, so I thought it might be yours.”

“Nope, but she is a cutie.”

I turned back to her; she was still waiting and watching me.  I squatted down, keeping my distance and asked her, “Are you friendly?”

She offered me her right paw.  It was white, like the rest of her feet, and delicate.

I stretched out and took it, being as gentle as she looked.  “Nice to meet you, I’m Marty.”  I released her paw.

“She’s wearing a collar,” I called out to the man.   It hung loosely around her neck; a blue plastic tag with lettering was attached.

“Can I read your tag?” I asked her.

She scooted closer to me, stretched out and gave me a light kiss on the corner of my mouth.  She sat down with her tag now in easy reach.

I grasped the tag, turned it and read aloud, “I AM YOURS.”

She woofed at me in agreement.  I felt a big grin break out on my face.   I stood up and opened the door of my truck, “Okay, if that’s how it is, load up.”

She leaped, light as a feather, up into the driver’s seat, hopped across to the passenger seat and sat down, looking like she owned the place.  I noticed that she had a short docked tail.

I waved over to the man, “Yeah, she is my dog, I just didn’t know.”

He looked disgusted, flapped his hand in our direction and stalked back into his office.

The sun broke through, allowing some blue sky to show and a light breeze freshened the air.

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Thanks!

 

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4 thoughts on “I’ve started expanding my story, “The Dog”.

  1. Anonymous

    It’s a good story but a bit slow, especially opening. Start with the hook. I stood at the pump, pushed the low octane button, and let out a sigh. It had been too long between stops. (Introspection is always smoother than internal dialogue, and should stay in the same person and tense as the narration.) Clouds hung dark and heavy; the air smelled like rain, a little like my soul. Then I saw the dog. She looked like a terrier of some sort…

    Reply

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